My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
