I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someone shattered a urinal.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
