It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
