just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize