I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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