i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
