I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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