im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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