Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
