At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
