i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
