i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
