Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
