yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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