Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
