hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
