He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
