I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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