Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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