We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
