My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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