Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
