No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
