I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize