You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
