Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
