her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
