I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize