Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
