Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
