If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize