Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
