just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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