Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
