Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
