I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
