she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We need a shit load of segways right now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize