so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
