sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He felt like a one man threesome
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
