Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
