i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
