I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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