I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
