just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
