Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
