So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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