it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
