im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
