She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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