At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
