She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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