hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I believe in your delicious
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
