So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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