And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
