When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
