one two three fourrrrnication!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
