I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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