Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
