mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
