Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
