the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize