So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
