What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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