Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
