What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just pee around me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
