maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
