Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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