she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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