is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
