hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need moral support for this bender
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
