y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
