Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
