My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize