Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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