6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
