sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
