how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
