he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
