Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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