Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
