Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize