i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do vagina's smell?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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