I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
