Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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