So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
