He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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