____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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