God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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