i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
