I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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