Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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