anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
