Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
