I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
