I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
