For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
