cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize