I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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