at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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