I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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