I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
