Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We have so much sex to catch up on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
