Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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