everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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