I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize