she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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