I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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