The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
