My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
