whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
