I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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